NGPriest: Thanks for the chain letters

Ξ January 11th, 2009 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Author: NGPriest |

To all my friends and family

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the past year.

Because of your concern:

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat droppings.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

I no longer accept packages from UPS or FedEx since they might be Al Quada in disguise.

I no longer get real “hugs” anymore because these pesky little bears keep giving me hugs via the net.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Nieman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000th time.

I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail program. I want to thank all of you soooooooooo much for looking out for me! Now if you DON’T send this e-mail to at least 12 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird will crap on your head.

 

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