Thanks for the chain letters

To all my friends and family

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the past year.

Because of your concern:

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat droppings.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

I no longer accept packages from UPS or FedEx since they might be Al Quada in disguise.

I no longer get real “hugs” anymore because these pesky little bears keep giving me hugs via the net.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Nieman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000th time.

I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail program. I want to thank all of you soooooooooo much for looking out for me! Now if you DON’T send this e-mail to at least 12 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird will crap on your head.