Thoughts to Ponder
- Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you’re ahead?"
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO’s like they used to?
- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather; it pays no attention to criticism.
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
- In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
